Disclaimer: I hope you can read this with an open mind and and understanding of our situation. Please be respectful if you choose to comment.
I’m very aware of the hundreds of thousands of animals that are in shelters and need a loving family to bring them home. Before Harvey, the only option in our mind was adoption. Harvey was one of these animals and he had a special place in our hearts because of the pride we felt in giving him a better life. I’m also aware that many people do this and have an animal that leads a healthy and full life.
We, as you have read, were not so lucky. Our kitten was very sick right from the beginning and we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into when we adopted him. We obviously accepted the responsibility we’d signed up for and loved Harvey more than anyone could have loved an animal. We gave him everything he needed and we know he might not have been so lucky if someone else had adopted him. In hindsight I don’t think we would have traded this experience for anything because Harvey was so special to us, and we can’t imagine having had any other cat. While we don’t regret getting Harvey for a second, we have to learn from our experiences.
We’ve been damaged. Adopting is so tainted for us right now. It just is. I can’t imagine bringing home another cat that has a big question mark as his history. I can’t imagine going through the pain of not knowing who his mom was or what kinds of things he endured prior to being brought into a shelter or our home. We do know that Harvey was a street kitten for at least the first 2 months of his life. Who knows what happened during his mom’s pregnancy or after he was born that contributed to his early passing? It tears us apart wondering that because there’s nothing we could have done for him.
I have no doubt that we’ll adopt again in the future. It’s one of the best things you can do for an animal. But you have to be in a certain place mentally to be able to adopt an animal. We’re not there yet and I don’t think we’ll be there for awhile. We don’t have the confidence to do it again right now and we can’t place a bigger risk on ourselves by not knowing the history of our animal. I can’t explain to you what it feels like to be perpetually worried about your pet, afraid he will be sick or die every single day. We’re not ready for that again. Maybe once our confidence is restored in being able to have a healthy kitten, we’ll be ready to adopt again.
With all of that said…
You’re probably wondering what our plans are. I think we’ll probably get a kitten from a respected, responsible breeder. These kittens need homes too, though not as desperately as a shelter kitten does. We’ll know who the mom and dad are. We’ll know that the mom was taken care of before, during and after pregnancy. We’ll know that our kitten was loved from the second they were born. Evan and I can feel more confident about the next kitten we give our love and care to. It’s what we need right now.
As many of you know, we were told Harvey was a bengal mix when we adopted him. For awhile I doubted this (it didn’t matter anyway), but eventually realized that he definitely had bengal in him. He had all of the traits of a bengal besides loving playing in water and was the dog-like cat that we wanted. Harvey was perfect and I can’t imagine getting another kind of cat after loving every single aspect of Harvey’s confidence and affection.
We’re currently looking at bengal kittens and it’s so weird to see their pictures and feel like I’m looking at Harvey. The spotted stomach is what gets me. I loved Harvey’s spotted tummy, so when I see another kitten with those markings I definitely start to tear up.
We didn’t get our fill of time with our Harvey and I don’t feel our journey has been fulfilled with having a bengal as a part of our family. They are truly a unique breed and it makes my heart soar thinking about bringing another one into our home.
So…
That’s where we are right now. Sure, things might change by the time we are actually ready to have a new kitten in May, but I felt the need to clear the air and explain our hesitance, as well as our hope. I hope you understand!
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
I can totally understand where you’re coming from!! After all the uncertainty and questions, I think I would do the same thing if I were in your shoes. Big hugs and best wishes!!!!!!!
Julie´s last blog ..Back from vacation!
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You don’t need to justify your decision to anyone. Whether you want to adopt kittens from a shelter or buy one from a breeder- you need to do what is best for you. I hope you find a kitten once you’re ready for one. It will be a very lucky cat to be a part of your family- no matter where he or she comes from.
kristen´s last blog ..inspired by morimoto
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I completely understand what you mean. My feeling is that yes, adopting is the most responsible thing, but any animal deserves a loving home, from an adoption agency or a breeder, and if you are able to provide that, then go for it!
Lauren´s last blog ..bingo bummer
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hey lady! I haven’t commented on your blog yet, but I have been a reader for a few months now and wanted to encourage you.
you have every right in the world to feel the way you do. It is an honorable thing to give an animal a good home- no matter where they come from. You have to take care of your needs, too… and I think it’s really admirable the way you are being so honest with yourself.
hang in there! I lost my puppy not to long ago and it was heartbreaking.. but eventually the terrible pain passes and you can look back with sweet memories
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I had the same experience you did with my first dog – staff infection, neglect, hip displaysia, multiple fights with our other dog, and finally her kidneys – but it never crossed my mind not to adopt from animal control again. I got a new puppy about a month and a half after saying goodbye to Rose in what was probably a similar situation to yours. We adopted him from the pound and so far he’s healthy as can be. The thought is already going through my head that I’ll get another rescue next because they are a million times sweeter after the rough life they have been through. Rose will always have a special place in my heart and I miss her daily. I’m not passing judgement at all! I want you to do anything you must to start to put your life back together and I’m happy for any animal who can find a loving home! Good luck!
Caroline´s last blog ..We made it!
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I think it is totally respectable to get a cat from a breeder! all animals need a good, loving home. And especially with what you’ve been through, I would be hesitant about a shelter animal, as well. With that being said, I still donate to my local SPCA every month and have volunteered in the past. I figure I help humans everyday as an ICU nurse, that animals need a little help, too:)
Nicole of Raspberry Stethoscope´s last blog ..
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Ryan @ Greens for Good Reply:
March 26th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
That’s a really great idea and a way we could still contribute to animals. Thank you!
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Like everyone else said, you don’t need to justify yourself to everyone, you know what’s right for you and you’re right, all kittens need homes, regardless of if they’re rescue or bred. The two kittens we adopted recently have had endless health problems (which they had prior to us getting them) – ringworm, cat flu, eye infections – the list was endless! Then just when we’d had them for 3 weeks, one got hit by a car
Anyways, that was me rambling on a tangent – basically, do whatever you are most comfortable with – whatever cat you end up with is going to be the most loved cat alive
Freya @ Brit Chick Runs´s last blog ..End Of An Era
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My husband and I were hesitant about the same thing, so we just alerted all family and friends that we wanted to adopt two kittens, so keep their ears open for any needing a home. We were in luck when a friend of a friend of a friend
had a stray cat show up at her house, decide she was going to stay and then it turned out she was pregnant! So our kitties – Birdie and Phoebe – were born on Friday the 13th (Feb 2009). Who knows who their Daddy is, but the Momma cat was a doll and the lady who had them let me come over every weekend after they were born until we could take them home. It was such a fun bonding experience, and even though they aren’t purebred or anything, they were definitely in need of a loving home, and I made some new friends in the process! The lady ended up finding homes for all the kittens, getting the Momma cat spayed, and she’s now a happy indoor kitty. 
When the right kitty comes along, you will know it!
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I think it is great that you guys want to get another kitten to give a good life to, no matter where you get him from.
Karen @ Not Just Celery´s last blog ..Work it Out
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I totally understand where you’re coming from! Having to deal with a sick pet that you love SO MUCH is the hardest thing in the world! I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
I am having a similar experience with my dog– and she’s a purebred that I got from a respectable breeder! She is experiencing problems that are rare for her breed, and I may lose her much earlier than I should as well. It’s heartbreaking. I was a bit naive when I adopted my dog (in college) and I now know that purebred dogs actually have MORE problems than mutts– more likely to have bad allergies, health problems, and shorter lifespans. I’m not sure if it’s the same for purebred cats, but I’d look into before you make your decision! As much as I LOVE my dog, I will never be getting another purebred again. That is, if I can ever bring myself to adopt again! I totally understand your struggle.
I hope you guys take your time, and make whatever decision is best for you!
Megan @ Healthy Hoggin´s last blog ..Progress, Not Perfection
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Ryan @ Greens for Good Reply:
March 26th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Perhaps it comes down to feeling the need to do it differently the next time? I suppose that’s probably the underlying explanation for both of our opposite situations. So tough either way.
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ryan, i think that is an amazing idea…i feel the same way, all animals, regardless of whether they were born in the home of a breeder or are living in a shelter, need homes…they all need love, no matter where they come from…
omg. i am so excited for you…i am thinking of getting a bengal kitty as well when john and i find a house to live in this spring/summer…i want jackson to have a friend, and two dogs would be a bit much…and i love kitties…
so anyway, good luck my friend…and never ever feel that you need to justify ANYTHING you do…at the end of the day it’s yours and evan’s life and happiness on the line…no one else!
take care sweetie…
nelly´s last blog ..path to the high rawky road…
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I 100% agree with you.
We adopted a puppy from a shelter last summer and were told it was a black lab. From the moment we brought her home she was extremely aggresive and bit me several times. I still have several scars from all of the biting. After having the dog for 2 weeks, we had to return her to the shelter. I couldn’t live with a dog biting me and drawing blood every single day. (And if you are wondering, yes we brought her to a trainer and did EVERYTHING we could before we took her back. ) Later on we found out she was 100% pit bull which would explain the inherently aggresive behaviour.
We later bought a dog from a credible breeder and she is everything we’ve ever wanted. I think if you are going to adopt you have to be prepared for health problems, aggression and general personality issues…if you aren’t willing to deal with that, then buy from a breeder.
Morgan @ Healthy Happy Place´s last blog ..Jackie Warner Work Out
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Of course it’s understandable. You’ve been through a lot and don’t have to justify your decisions! Any kitten will be lucky to be in such a loving home.
Lauren @ Eater not a runner´s last blog ..veggie queen
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You have an excellent point, the kittens from a breeder need love just as much as a shelter animal. And it’s not like you didn’t try the shelter option first. Ultimately you have to do what is best for you and your family.
Jessie´s last blog ..Cadbury Treat
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That makes a lot of sense, especially after everything you’ve just been through. I know it was devastating and the thought of worrying about a sick kitten again must be difficult. Adopting from anywhere is wonderful because all animals deserve a loving home. I got my cat when I saw an ad posted by a woman who couldn’t take care of him anymore, and she was going to give him to a shelter if someone else didn’t take him. I thought this was a good idea too, because he was perfectly healthy and just a kitten who needed a home. At the end of the day, whatever works for you is the right thing to do.
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I can’t imagine trying to adopt from a shelter RIGHT after going through that. I totally and completely understand your fears and think, for at least this next time, that adopting from a breeder where you will know his/her history will be the best thing for you guys! I also love that you are looking at bengals. Somewhere out there is a cat(or kitten, or almost kitten) waiting for you to love no matter where you find them. You’re amazing pet parents and I look forward to seeing you find another kitten to share your love with.
Katy (The Balanced Foodie)´s last blog ..The good & the bad
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Ryan,
I have never thought for one minute that you and Evan would even consider adopting another kitty right away. It’s too heartbreaking when you lose a pet. You have to do it when the time is right for you and you alone.
Enjoy the pictures and the great memories you have of Harvey and when the time is right to get a new kitty, you will know it.
Thinking of you and Evan.
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Every pet needs a loving home…no matter where it comes from. I think you’ve made a great decision. I didn’t find my puppy at a shelter, but I’d like to adopt the next pet. She needs a playmate.
Nicci´s last blog ..Chevy Girl on the Go
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I think the idea of helping a local rescue centre is a really good one, and I totally understand your reasons for wanting to do things differently next time. The only thing I would add is that sometimes shelters do know the history of an animal – for instance, if someone has sadly had to give up their pet for financial reasons. Would you perhaps consider taking on a slightly older cat? As others have said though, all animals deserve a loving home, and I know that any cat you take on will be a very lucky cat.
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Your next furbaby will be so blessed to have you as parents. People may not understand your decision, but it’s a well thought-out, responsible one. Following your heart and doing what’s best for your family is never wrong. Best wishes to you.
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Hi,
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved and incredibly adorable Harvey.
I wanted to say something regarding yoru decision to not adopt at this time, that decision is just that, YOUR decision!
There’s nothing wrong with going to a breeder. Lots of people do it, especially when wanting a specific breed.
My family has had three labrador retrievers and they have all come from breeders because we trust the breeder they have come from and want /NEED to know the mamas and papas of the dogs, their surrondings before they came to us , their lifestyle.
THis is not to say that adoption is something bad, adoption is an amazing gift but it is not for the faint of heart.
I hope you and yours give yourself time to heal and are able to get a new kitten you adore . You deserve it .
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I don’t think you have to explain yourself to anyone! Good luck in your search to find your next fur-love
He or she will be one lucky kitty who will get a lot of love!
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I totally understand where you coming from, and I think that making this choice for you and the way you seem more comfortable is the only way that it can work out. Harvey was special to have you guys in his life, and to make his short life enjoyable. I don’t think you have to explain yourself to anyone.
That being said, I have had issues with reputable breeders. I got my kitten, Riley, from a pair of college students who had issues with his behavior with their other cat. They got Riley for free from the paper. After about 6 months of having him and a sudden one day decline in health, it was finally found that he had feline AIDS, his liver failed and he died all within a day. The vet was able to identify that Riley was a purebred silver persian, and at the time that I had him, he was worth thousands of dollars. With a little detective work, the vet was able to find out from others in the area about other kittens like him coming in with AIDs that were of the same breed from people who didn’t know the breed. They finally figured out that Riley and his other sisters/brothers were a litter from a “reputable” breeder who decided to deal with the problem of the whole litter having AIDs to just dump them off as freebie kittens. It broke my heart the day I lost him, and like you except on the opposite end, that event has made me turn off to buying from a breeder.
I only say this because there are consequences on every side. But don’t get me wrong, I truly believe that this is a personal choice and not to say at all that your breeder will be as cruel as this one was in my case. I hope that you are able to find peace with whatever you chose, in helping find an animal a loving home (I absolutely agree that no matter bred or adopted, every animal deserves a home). I’m sorry for your loss.
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Ryan @ Greens for Good Reply:
March 26th, 2010 at 7:27 pm
Thanks for sharing your story! I’m sorry for your loss
By no means do we believe that buying from a breeder will exempt us from dealing with health issues. Evan’s family has had purebreds and had issues, as well as adopted cats and had issues. We just feel the need to do something different than we did before and hope for the best. Either way we want to enter into getting another animal with confidence because we don’t want our anxiousness to rub off on our new family member.
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Ryan,
Somehow fell upon your blog and was curious becuase of your name. Then i read your story about adopting from the humane society. This is so tough. I’m not in a position to comment you and yours will make a good decsion.
Back to your name..my wife and i are without kids but are determined to name our first girl Ryan. What’s been your experience? A little easier..good or bad idea?
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Kelly Reply:
March 26th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
I think Ryan is a great name for a girl! I actually view it more as a girl name than a guy name now.
Kelly´s last blog ..Farewell 10k Race Recap
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caitlin Reply:
March 27th, 2010 at 8:45 am
i love having a girl friend named ryan!! it’s such a pretty name.
caitlin´s last blog ..Eh?
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Ryan @ Greens for Good Reply:
March 27th, 2010 at 9:36 am
Hi Paul!
I absolutely love my name and wouldn’t change it now, but I definitely tried to when I was younger. I wanted to change it to Ryann or Ryanne so people would be able to distinguish that I was a girl. It wasn’t often, but I was occasionally made fun of by my peers in elementary school about my name being a boy’s name. Oh, and when I was a baby and bald until I was 2, my mom had to get my ears pierced so people would know I was a girl. Now the only issues I have with it are when I’m calling about an account and the person on the other end doesn’t believe I’m actually Ryan and I know I’m being asked to confirm 1000 things because of my name OR when I’m emailing someone who doesn’t know me and they automatically think I’m a boy. Recently, I was doing a group project for an online class and my whole group thought I was missing our online meeting to have Valentine’s Day weekend with my partner (they thought I was gay), haha. In any case, I will usually point out that I’m a girl from the get-go, but sometimes I forget and don’t realize until later that someone has thought I’m a boy for months.
Regardless, I wouldn’t change my name for anything now. It has it’s pros too. Most people remember me very well because of my unique name and all of my friends tell me how much they love the boy name for a girl and think it’s very pretty. I now find that it’s a conversation starter and kind of an ice breaker when talking to people (whether it be new friends or someone at the cash register). And if I’m being honest, sometimes my boyfriend will call about our cable bill and pretend that he is me because he can! Haha.
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Everyone else summed up my thoughts already. Totally understand where you’re at. If I had the money I would have got a bengal too as they’re cool cats. Take your time and you’ll make the best decision for yourselves.
John´s last blog ..Stubborn Old Mule
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Totally agree with you!!!
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It is your decision, but please know that there are many shelters that do a lot of health screening before adopting out animals – so you may be able to adopt again and know a bit more about the pet’s background. I’m sorry for your loss, but I am so happy that Harvey was lucky enough to be rescued by you – you gave him the best life he could have had, and he was clearly loved!
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I completely understand where you’re coming from on debating between adopting from a shelter and not knowing the animals history. when i think about it, my parents have always adopted from the shelter because when they did get a Shepard from a breeder she had hip displasia even when they said she wouldn’t. They now only adopt from shelters and god for bid, still end up with dogs with so many health problems its ridiculous…but someone got to take care of them and give them love and support, right? i know it’s hard having to go through those things but to me…we gain experiences from every single pet we have and love them for all they are.
so so sorry for losing harvey honey. hugs.
Melissa´s last blog ..Am I Missing Out?
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ANYONE who says there is ANYTHING wrong from buying from a reputable (read: you researched them, they are true animal experts are legitimate, follow all of the rules/guidelines + a million other qualifications) breeder is just categorically WRONG. We adopted my dog. Off craigslist. She happens to be a purebred, and we were told she came from a ‘hippie breeder in ct’. She has no papers, but is a beautiful specimen. I love her with all of my heart. That being said, would I buy my next dog from a reputable breeder with a rich history of healthy breeding practices etc. etc? It’s entirely possible.
Many people have wonderful experiences with rescue animals (like us) and many do not (such as your tragic story). We have spent THOUSANDS on our rescue dog who originated from a backyard breeder but is considered a rescue. Would we have spent those thousands if we bought her from a great breeder? I have no idea. And that’s not the point. The point is, you will make the right choice for your ‘family’. Anything can happen in life. There are no guarantees when it comes to life and animals.
We have a weimanraner and ran into one of the faniys William Wegman’s weims, from his breeding line. The brother of the dog we met died at the age of 2 from a horrible and rare liver condition they couldn’t have tracked through the bloodlines. To be crass? Sh*t happens. I know this reply is a total ramble, but the bottom line is buying from a puppymill is of course ‘bad’ but again, those dogs need homes. People can say whatever they want about not supporting puppy mills, but the puppies in the window will get purchased by someone. It won’t be me, but that doesn’t make me holier than thou. Dogs in shelters needs homes. And so do dogs at reputable breeders. Ignore the haters, if any. I am so sorry for your loss of Harvey.
xoxoxo
Sara
eatdrinkandbemerrynyc´s last blog ..Fatty Cue’
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Aww I TOTALLY understand how you are feeling! We got Webster from a Craigslist posting actually, he is a polydactyl cat meaning he has an extra toe (we call it his thumb) on his two front feet! He was the last kitten left out of their litter and no-one wanted him because of the extra toe
Personally, I think it adds character! So even though we didn’t adopt from the shelter I like to think that we gave him a better life then he might have had otherwise.
Those Bengal-cat tendencies you mention are really interesting to me because I always say Webster is “dog-like” he has a really long tail that he is constantly wagging. He follows us around like a dog and comes when he’s called and he doesn’t “love” water but he’s certainly not scared of it. He used to sit on the edge of the bathtub and dip his paw in the tub when I was having a bath!
I’m sure when the time is right you guys will find another kitten to take into your home and love. There is no need to rush it!
Amber from Girl with the Red Hair´s last blog ..Flashback Friday: Third year of college
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I completely understand your view point on this whole issue. We got our dog from a breeder ($800) because we were planning on going through the whole breeding process ourselves once just to get the learning experience (my grandparents breed dogs when my dad was growing up and he thought it’d be good for my sisters and me to go through that). She ended up not wanting that to happen and never did get pregnant lol (we spent a lot of $$ to get her knocked up by another lab with a long history available. She had other plans lol). There is a sense of relief when it comes to knowing that your pet came from a good line of the species.
I hope everything goes well with the pet search. Do what feels right to you. If you aren’t ready to get another cat from a shelter, then people should respect that decision. They aren’t the ones who will be taking care of whichever pet you decide on.
Sammi´s last blog ..Monument 10k PR!
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Just a thought – because whatever choice you make is the right one for you – but maybe there is a rescue foundation for that particular breed of cat in your area? Cats that came from a respected breeder but had owners who passed away or could no longer afford them, etc. I know these foundations exsist for the different dog breeds (my family has adopted 2 purebred golden retrievers this way). You will be great fur parents again no matter what way you decide to get your new kitty!
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I have gotten a lot of flack before from friends about getting our little puppy from a breeder. But it was our choice. I know that there are 1,000’s of animals out there that need a home, but our little guy needed one too! And like you said, I know who Scruffy’s Mom & Dad are. The first puppy that we had picked had a heart murmur. The breeder told me this as soon as she took him to the vet and told me to pick another puppy. How devestating would that have been to end up with a sick puppy?
Even though we chose not to go the adoption route, I still donate money every time I see a Humane Society collection tin. My husband does a direct debit monthly to ASPCA.
I am so glad that you are willing to open up your home and heart again to another animal! I can’t wait to see pictures of the new addition. But first, take time to heal your heart. Each day will be better than the last. The day will come when you start to remember the good memories and smile!
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